Nurturing Creativity

Finding Inspiration Through Purpose and The Awareness of Joy

PHOTO BY MATT KALLISH

Let me be real with you— I’ve said it before, but, I am not yet a “successful” actor, at least by the standards society often sets. My IMDB profile is a bit… sad. Quite literally, it is unimpressive. But for me, success isn't about glitz, glamour, or fame; it's merely being a “working” actor—earning enough to cover my bills and keep the dream alive. Of course, I'd love to land a spot on a hit TV series, (Taylor Sheridan, I’m available!) or star in a global Blockbuster hit like Top Gun: Maverick or Barbie. And, hey, winning a Best Supporting Actress SAG Award (the one that matters most to me, given it comes from fellow actors and creatives) or even scoring an Oscar nomination—well, that's the stuff of dreams, no doubt (even if it's all a bit of a circus).

The truth is, I want it all. And for almost 17 years, it hasn’t gotten any easier. It’s really… really hard. Despite what some may think, talent, which I have plenty of, counts for very little. (It’s also why “influencers” and someone like Kim Kardashian have booked roles on major tv series vs trained actors. Sadly.)

Being an actor can be a real rollercoaster ride, and not a fun one. It’s filled with challenges that very often make you question your path. It’s why so many quit. (You should have seen me on my 37th birthday when I sobbed for most of the day and repeatedly said things like, “I’m 37 and still waiting tables and can’t even book a Co-Star/One Liner! What IS my life?!” It was actually quite funny and I have my best friend and fellow actor, Chess Lopez, to thank for lifting me out of that Rabbit hole.)

But the challenge of being a “working” actor is precisely what led me to discover the solace, excitement, and real necessity of writing.

At first, I dipped my toes into the world of writing with little confidence. It felt like learning a new language just figuring out the correct formatting of a screenplay, but I figured it out.

To my surprise, my work evolved, and I found myself producing pieces that I couldn't help but be proud of. Some even won awards, and best of all, it gave me the chance to act when no other opportunities came knocking. I got to work alongside Denis O’Hare, Nicholas Pinnock and Laith Nakli as their peer/scene partner/collaborator on a short film I wrote. I mean, really?! (It’s yet to be seen by the public, but I made it, the experience was had!)

Writing has transcended being a mere artistic triumph; it has become a conduit to profound connections. Collaborating with friends, I've nurtured artistic bonds that unlocked even more writing opportunities.

Now, here I am with you, venturing into this exhilarating realm of self-expression. Together, we embark on a journey where I can share my thoughts, creativity, and love for TV/FILM/Storytelling with the world through “Not Enough Time.” (Gratitude to all my subscribers!)

Beyond this platform, I'm currently working on something close to my heart: a TV series inspired by my experiences growing up in the Hare Krishna community. It's a project that fills me with pride, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous to share it. I want to do justice to my story and those of others who grew up in different cults—a world away from merely choosing such a path in adulthood.

Exciting and daunting, this writing journey has become my escape, allowing me to explore uncharted creative territories with renewed enthusiasm and of course, ample vulnerability.

But even with the additional creative autonomy in writing, I find myself facing greater challenges than ever before.

Because I want this, “Not Enough Time”, to be equally as authentic and thoughtful as the work I create in film/television as an actor and writer. I don’t want to just throw spegehetti at the wall and see what sticks. I don’t want to take your trust in me for granted.

But for me, creativity isn't a product of a poverty mindset.

Yet, as an aspiring actor and writer, I've spent my entire adult life juggling the grind of waiting tables with pursuing my artistic dreams. Financial stability has been a constant struggle, and the absence of a safety net leaves little room for taking time off when needed. (I'm determined to improve my financial health, gradually learning the art of saving for rainy days - it's a work in progress!)

Health insurance and a cushy 401k are but distant luxuries in my world, existing beyond the reach of paycheck-to-paycheck living—a reality faced by a vast majority of Americans, including myself. Dreams of qualifying for SAG/AFTRA Healthcare have remained elusive, serving as a poignant reminder of the ongoing strikes, of which I'm a part.

These challenges raise questions in the minds of many, who wonder why I persist on this arduous path?

Admittedly, I could have chosen a different career, tried my hand at any number of professions. But whenever I contemplate stepping away, I'm swiftly reminded that acting and writing are the very essence of my being, the calling that resonates with my soul. It's where I feel most present, connected, and joyful.

I was listening to a podcast recently about Tantra, and the guest, Layla Martin, was explaining what Tantra is. She quoted a book she had read at the start of her journey that deeply resonated with me as an actor: “The Tantricas are the people who go where it’s hardest to love God - and find devotion there”.

I believe that as an actor and storyteller, I'm doing the same thing.

And so, I continue to persevere, plodding ahead with unwavering determination in pursuit of my dreams. I hope one day my creative journey will lead to a more sustainable and financially stable life. I want to live life fully and be able to explore even more creative avenues.

Exhaustion from work should never hinder creativity, which is why finding tools and practices to fuel my passion is crucial. One of my favorite ways to recharge and nurture my creativity is by diving into other people's stories, learning from their experiences through podcasts.

Manifestation work has become an invaluable part of this journey.

So I thought that today I would share with you one of my favorite podcasts with Cathy Heller that has literally changed my life:

About Cathy Heller: She has an impressive background, having studied religion and delved into the depths of Kabbalah while residing in the ancient city of Jerusalem. Later, she channeled her creativity into building an 8-figure business. Today, she hosts a wildly successful podcast, “The Cathy Heller Podcast” boasting over 40 million downloads. Additionally, she is the author of the inspiring book "Don’t Keep Your Day Job." As a business coach, mother, and songwriter, Cathy specializes in empowering women to achieve both financial abundance and next-level happiness.

On another note, the podcast "Why Isn't Everyone Doing This with Emily Fletcher" is an absolute sensation and slays! Each episode is a masterclass in its own right. (The tantra quote I mentioned earlier is from the captivating interview with Layla Martin;)

I encourage all of you to give it a listen. May it offer valuable insights and aid you on your unique paths to achieving your own dreams!

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I also want to take a moment to extend a heartfelt invitation. If you happen to be a free subscriber and are in a position to do so, I urge you to consider the transformative impact of upgrading to a paid subscription.

Creating this demands immense dedication, pouring in countless hours, boundless energy, and deep contemplation and discipline to create each new piece. Every word and thought is crafted with care to ensure a meaningful and enriching experience for each of you. Now, I'm extending an invitation to join me on this creative journey and show your support.

Your decision to upgrade is a gesture of reciprocity, an acknowledgment of the value you find here. It allows me to continue delivering high-quality content and enables me to grow and flourish as a writer and artist. By honoring my work, you're investing in a collective exchange of inspiration and creativity.

Together, we can take Not Enough Time to new heights, fostering a community of like-minded souls who revel in the exploration of ideas, stories, and connection. Your contribution is more than a subscription; it's a transformative partnership that nurtures the spirit of creativity and artistic growth and stability.

Thank you, in advance.

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